Almost, 1, 164 steps back and forth and more than 15 people of all ages, my feet hitting the ground in every second--It was a familiar feeling where I can smell the grass, can feel the wind and touch the soild.  It was the best way to empty my mind. Although at that moment it wasn't really empty, although I wish it was.

How I wish it was empty so I can atleast rest even for a moment. I wish I could forget everything that happened in the last 72 hours. But I can only wish that the wind hitting my face can blow away everything that's been disturbing my mind. I wish I can just land in that pavement, hit myself hard to numb my senses.

At that moment I wanted to leave but not to die. I wanted to leave to be reborn again. i wanted to leave and come back fresh and happy to face the world again. How can life be like this? How can it make you believe in hope and trust in people? How can it still make you believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel? How can you remain holding on when there's just no sensible reason to stay. How can you feel brave inside but still feel deafeated in the eyes of the world. How can I remain fighting when battle seemed to be all over?

When will this tiresome journey end? When will I reach the end of the tunnel? I wanna feel the light, hug the light and be the light. When will it finally happen?