It just occured to me..maybe I really am lost..and lonely...living in my own dark and scary world.  Why can't I move on? Why can't I just leave alone the memories and the pains from the past. Maybe because they still hurt me, maybe because I still linger to the happy memories..Maybe it's because of the truth that most of the times when I'm lost, I only want one person to find me.--not to love me but to save me--not because I'm weak but because I'm too strong to ask for him.

Come and find me...and then let me go.

Who ever said that women like getting a facial? If that were true then I certainly don't belong to that group.  I would be very thankful if I didn't have to go to a dermatologist. They are worst than dentists and gynecologists. Sometimes it feels like they see what's under your skin--literally. One of the things I needed to do to fit into society's idea of beauty.  I know most people would say.."who wants to fit in anyway?" Well believe me you do! Don't pretend that you don't like wearing pink and watch chick flicks! Some people who pretend that they are not vain are actually even more vain.  They try very hard to live up to the image that they want to portray even if it means suppressing the true persons inside them. Doesn't that make you an even worse and weak person?

I wear pink. I like putting on my lip gloss and wear a pretty dress. But that doesn't make me any less of a person or human. That doesn't make me any less stronger or smarter.  I can wear my high heels and still kick ass!

Sometimes, you just want to be free..lose yourself and never think at all..sometimes you just want the heart to follow its beat and instinct to control you...sometimes you just need to be human and stop trying to be perfect in other people's eyes. Sometimes you just want to think about your own happiness rooted from your own dreams and ambitions. Sometimes you just need to be away from everything and from everyone around you in order to be back and be yourself again....

The sound of my fingers in the keyboard and the beat of my heart in every word..All seem very familiar and it just felt like home at last. I am home again. A great rest from the unknown worlds that I travel everday. Away from the strangers and safe at last.

Here I know I am the mistress of my destiny and here I feel I am loved.  There's a challenge in all the journeys I have taken and there will be more..but I know I will always have this..a home to rest my soul, a heart ready to love.

There will always be a part in all of us that would think that we are better than the other person.  I guess it's the evil in all of us. But some people manage to set it aside because there are far more important things to do in the world than feed one's ego. I admire people who are great but manage to stay humble and kind. People who dont show off the boxes of gold, though we know from afar that they have them.  People who adopt to anyone because they have a pure heart and clean spirit.  There aren't many people like these, for everyone seemed to have their own personal agenda behind all the things that they do. Isn't this one of the tragic truths in life? Why is it sometimes hard to not be corrupted for your own desires Maybe this is one of the reasons why it's hard for me to trust people.  Because they also find it hard to trust somene else. Maybe we all know about this truth? Maybe we are all afraid of becoming the prey so we chose to survive this way.       

what had I become after almost two years? I couldn't say that I am successful. I couldn't say that I'm happy and I couldn't say that I'm contented. But I couldn't say either that I am the opposite of these. I guess it's always the worst to be in between.

I just turned 23 and I always tell myself that dreams could follow someday..self fulfillment should come last. Anyway, I'm still young.  But, after all these years had my dreams changed? Had I been setting them aside that they finally retreat from my life? I am scared to know the answer. I don't want to find myself saying that I'm too tired to run after the waves so I will just wait for it to reach the shore. I don't wanna settle to average and what's expected.

I want to expect great things from myself but somehow my greatest and my best doesn't seem to satisfy people. Sometimes I feel like it's always not enough.  I hate disaapointing others but I mostly hate disappointing myself.  I don't want the feeling of being incapable to perform or do great. I am certainly not overestimating myself or my skills...but there's always a feeling inside me that I can be far more greater than this and people can seem more beautiful things that what they are seeing now.I only have myself to blame. Because I get used to comfort. I get used to being just like this. My situation is not bad at all but it's also not how I want myself to be.

Please don't preach..i just want to be heard. 

Old wounds heal?

I am one of those people who live in the past. If it were a sin not to forget moments in the past then I may have been a sinner all my life.  But this year, I wanna be someone else.  I don't want to hide my old soul but I would like to allow the old wounds to heal.

wHaT's...iN...mY...dEsK?

::desktop and CPU

::telephone, headset and amplifier

::black file case

:2 microwaveable containers (with rice and dinuguan)

::tumbler with ice tea

::almost empty Starbucks coffee cup with

::Visine

::Ponds face powder

::earphone

::calendar

::yellow post it

::tissue (and used tissue)

::bag

::cellphone

::coaster

::ballpen

::notebooks

::envelopes

::cd's

::mouse (and mouse pad)

::purple bear

::reindeer

::soap dish (w/o soap)

::stress ball

::::can we make life even more exciting?

I have a flaming heart but that doesn't mean that I have only to love a man.

I am in love with my life and how I live it. I know I am not perfect and this life is not as well.  But I am in love with every breath that I take, knowing that it is a gift from God to wake up each day and see the beauty of life.

I am inlove with my passion to write and to work. I know I never had the chance to do exactly what I wanna do like most people.  But unlike most people, I was given a wonderful opportunity to shine and show what else I can do besides the thing that I love. I learned that I am still capable of loving the work that I hated. I am inlove with the challenges it has presented me and the new things I am learning.

I am inlove with love and the possibility that one day I will find someone who'll love it even more with me.

I have a flaming heart filled with love, gratitude and joy. That doesn't mean that all of these will belong only to one man. The flame in my heart belongs to me.

I survived Christmas! without the Christmas blues and withoutmy cellphone and without sleep!

Hay...it was a stressful, expensive but super happy and enjoyable Christmas. I neve thought that it would be fine to have a cellphone and not have and check it for 4 days. Yes. Because of lack of sleep, I forgot to bring my cellphone with me when I went home last Saturday. It was stressing at first..not knowing if I really left it in my apartment of someone snatched it from my bag when I was at the bus station. But then what the heck! I would not ruin my vacation just because I don't have my cellphone.  And then it happened.

There was no stressing about what Christmas message to forward and who to greet and most of all there was no expectation that someone would call or send a message.  I never had a Christmas blues.  I used to feel sad during Christmas morning right after the Noche Buena and Christmas celebration.  But this year, I was happy and was too tired when I went to bed to think about something else but the happy Christmas that we all had.

Merry Christmas Everyone and I wish you all a Happy New Year!